21st Century Stupidity Infiltrates Tortall
by Lotesse roch
Summary: Four friends attempt to travel back in time to witness Aztec culture firsthand, but something goes terribly wrong...*dun dun dun* They are transported to the alternate realm of... Tortall, thought to be fictional! Takes place after Keladry is knighted. R
1. The Accident

**Disclaimer**: Ana, Lisa, Gwen, Carrie-Ann, and the time machine are all of my creation. Alanna, Tortall, and all of Tortall's contents, however, belong to Tamora Pierce. I take no credit whatsoever for her work.

**Author's Note**: This is my first fic. I don't know how well it will turn out, but I have had fun writing it! Please reveiw. If you like it, let me know why and if not, constructive critisism would be helpful. Flames, however are very unwelcome and are a waste of my time, as well as yours. If you don't like my story, don't ruin it for others. Read something else. Thank you.  
P.S. In case it is not clear, the narrator's name is Ana.

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**Chapter One – The Accident**

"Are you kidding me?!" I stomped down the cellar stairs, glaring at my friend all the while. "I spend four hours shopping at Wal-Mart, and I come back to find you lounging and reading?!"

No reply…

"LISA!!"

"Wha… huh?" She glanced up from her novel.

"Why are you not working on it? If you didn't plan to do anything, y_ou_ could have gone shopping while I worked on it! You know I hate shopping!"

"I _did_ work on it! It's done!" came the reply. I almost dropped the heavy canvas shopping bags I was carrying.

"Done? Already?"

"Naw… I just said that to see how you'd react… Of course it's done!"

"I just thought it would take a lot longer… that's all…"

"Well it didn't." Lisa opened her book again.

"Lisa! We've wanted to learn more about the Aztecs since we were toddlers! Why are you just sitting there reading _The Lioness Rampant_ for the eighty-billionth time? It's not like you haven't memorized it already." I put my bags down and reached out to shake my brown-haired, hazel-eyed, innocent-looking friend's shoulder when she again failed to reply. "Lisa! Let's test it out!"

"Hmm…?"

"I said let's test it!" This time my suggestion elicited a response.

"Right now?" she said, leaping up.

"Well certainly not next Tuesday! Where are the others?" I, of course, was referring to our friends Gwen and Carrie-Ann. The two of them, Lisa, and I all lived on the same quiet street in the same tiny town way up near the tippety-top of New Hampshire. We were a close-knit group of friends, and we took our childhood oath of 'Best Friends Forever' very seriously. We had all planned to test our experiment together.

"Well, you know Gwen. Animals first. She left for a farm on the other side of town about an hour ago. I guess one of the mares there went into labor. As for Carrie-Ann… well, she took Kassy and Rob to the dentist. Routine cleaning. Funny how children disrupt everything, eh?"

"Well, you _would_ think so… you're biased, though. You just hate them all." I started towards the 'experiment room.' "Then they aren't coming with us?"

"No. They said it was all right if we went ahead and took her for a spin by ourselves, since we aren't entirely sure when we will all be together long enough."

"Oh well… they have a valid point there… we do all live very busy lives…" I looked the machine over. "You're sure it's done? And it is safe?"

"Done, yes. Safe, not so much… but what's life without a little risk and excitement?" She powered it up. "Time to pick the year. When shall we go back to?" Just then, the phone rang. "Agh… phones are almost as bad as kids! I'll be right back." With that, she began to run up the stairs in order to catch the phone before the fourth ring, when the answering machine picked up. But, in her haste, she managed to trip and fall three times in quick succession. Needless to say, she failed to reach the phone in time, and picked up a few seconds after the answering machine did. Her mother's voice floated through the open cellar door and down the stairs. I groaned loudly.

"Oh, no… she's gonna be there a while." Lisa's mom was notorious for keeping one on the phone for several hours at a time. "I guess I'll just have to wait here." I switched the machine to 'idle' and picked up Lisa's dropped book. I flipped it open as I settled into the 'drivers' seat of our machine. There I sat for a long time, reading, until Lisa shouted down to me.

"Ana! I'll be there in just one minute, okay? Sorry for the long wait!" Her voice broke the silence, severely startling me. I jumped, and my feet slid down from the 'dashboard' of the vehicle, hitting several buttons and switches on the way.

"Oops!" I put my feet back up on the 'dashboard' and leaned a little farther back. I went back to my book, so absorbed in its content that the possible ramifications of the knocked switches and buttons did not even cross my mind. Meanwhile, the dull hum of the 'idling' vehicle increased to a roar. I looked around, trying to discover the source of the racket, then looked down at the machine. "Aw, crap!" I exclaimed, realizing what I heard. Suddenly, there was a whooshing noise and my vision went fuzzy. Then, my body went numb and everything went black.

For several moments, I fumbled in the darkness with the controls of the machine, trying to stop its journey. Very quickly, my attempts were cut short, as it started to vibrate and there came another loud whooshing noise. I sat expectantly, waiting for my vision to clear. It didn't. In a few more moments, I felt a sudden wave of dizziness wash over me and then there was nothing.


	2. The Arrival

**Disclaimer**: Ana, Lisa, Gwen, Carrie-Ann, and the time machine are all of my creation. Alanna, Tortall, and all of Tortall's contents, however, belong to Tamora Pierce. I take no credit whatsoever for her work.

**Author's Note**: This is my first fic. I don't know how well it will turn out, but I have had fun writing it! Please reveiw. If you like it, let me know why and if not, constructive critisism would be helpful. Flames, however are very unwelcome and are a waste of my time, as well as yours. Thank you.  
P.S. In case it is not clear, the narrator's name is Ana.

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**Chapter Two – The Arrival**

Some time later, — it is impossible to be sure how long it was — I woke from my faint. _Perhaps time travel was not meant to be experienced by the human body, _I thought.

I opened my eyes and looked around me. I saw a large, well-furnished room, decorated mostly in white. Although lavish, it appeared to be a hospital room. _Hmm, _I thought as I looked up at the immense walls and incredibly high ceilings. _This doesn't look quite like the Aztec architecture in the textbooks._

I pushed back the blankets and stood up slowly. To my happy surprise, I experienced no 'aftershock' dizziness. I crept over to one of the three wide windows lining the far wall, and peered out. I saw an ornate, but empty, courtyard below me. Crowded fields surrounded the courtyard. As I observed, I noticed that the people packed into the field appeared to be practice fighting. All wore armor and carried training weapons, although the majority of them were young children.

Confused, I tiptoed back over to the bed and lay down again. Pretending to be asleep in case anyone entered, I tried to make sense of what I had seen. _They are _definitely_ not Aztecs, _I thought. _On second thought, I don't remember seeing people or architecture like this anytime in history._

At this point, I suddenly became aware of voices… arguing voices by the sound of it.

"You may not question my patient until I am sure she is well enough to answer!" a male voice said.

"She must be questioned! We must ascertain who she is and why she is here. For all we know she could be a Tusaine spy! We may not be at war, sire, but we most definitely are not on wonderful terms with all of the neighboring realms!" the second, female voice countered.

"I forbid you to bother her!" The voices were getting closer.

"I will not allow an outsider to stay in Corus unless they have a very good reason to!" They were just outside now.

The huge, ornately carved wooden doors to my right burst open and the arguing pair entered the chamber.

"Good," the woman said as she walked towards my bed. "You're awake." The woman looked very familiar. "What is your name?" she asked.

"Absolutely no questions unless you promise not to upset my patient!" the man told her.

"It's okay." I told him. "My name is Ana."

"Where are you from? How did you get here? What is your purpose?" the woman resumed her questioning.

_And what is the air-speed velocity of an unladen sparrow?_ I thought to myself. Aloud, I said, "I'm not from around here…"

"I could have told as much from you speech and dress!"

"My Lady…" the man warned. "Calm down."

"And I came here by accident, so I don't really know what my 'purpose' would be. In fact, I don't even know where here is!" I continued. And then, something clicked. As I looked up at my interrogator's copper hair, violet eyes, and numerous weapons, it suddenly occurred to me why she looked familiar. I felt a sinking feeling in my heart. "May I know my interrogator's name?" I asked.

Glancing at the man she said, "What can it hurt? I am Alanna, the Lioness." This confirmed my fears. If she was the Lioness, then the man must be Duke Baird, the palace's chief healer.

_Ohh… What have I gotten myself into?_

_--_

**Author's Note:** So? What do you think? Please review!

P.S. I should be updating every week or two, hopefully. Please try not to get impatient if it takes me awhile... I'm doing my best! :D

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**Reviews:**

_Star Wars Forever: _Thank you very much, I shall try to "keep up the good work." And I must agree with you; Alanna is an amazing character! By the way, I know this chapter is even shorter than the first, and I'm very sorry! I promise the third will be fairly long. :)


	3. The Explanation

**Disclaimer**: Ana, Lisa, Gwen, Carrie-Ann, and the time machine are all of my creation. Alanna, Tortall, and all of Tortall's contents, however, belong to Tamora Pierce. I take no credit whatsoever for her work, no matter how much I wish I could... :D

**Author's Note**: This is my first fic. I don't know how well it will turn out, but I have had fun writing it! Please reveiw. If you like it, let me know why and if not, constructive critisism would be helpful. Flames, however are very unwelcome and are a waste of my time, as well as yours. Thank you.  
P.S. In case it is not clear, the narrator's name is Ana.

**Attention, important infromation enclosed!:**  
-This story takes place fairly soon after Keladry of Mindelin is knighted.  
-This was a very late chapter, I know... But you being the lovely, devoted, amazing, wonderful- okay, okay, I'll cut the crap- readers you are, I knew you would understand. After all, I had to settle into a school schedule... and by the way... three AP classes? It's hell! Anyways, I apologizes from the depths of my heart, for I am truly sorry for the terribly long wait my dear readers had to endure. It won't happen again... just don't hurt me! --hides--

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**Chapter Three – The Explanation**

"I demand an explanation! You are an intruder in this land, and quite possibly a danger to our society! What have you to say for yourself?" Alanna was not happy with my unwillingness to share information.

The truth was that I was not unwilling; I just simply lacked information to tell. _How do you tell someone that you accidentally came from an alternate dimension by way of a time machine?_ I wondered. _And not have them lock you in the loony bin? _I sighed. _I guess there's no way around it… you just tell them and they can choose whether to believe you or not._

"If you want to know the truth—"

"Of course we want to know the truth!" Alanna interrupted. I could tell she was really beginning to lose her patience. The room was now filled with guards, as well as Duke Gareth of Naxen, Sir Myles of Olau, Lord Raoul of Goldenlake and Malorie's Peak, and all other manner of important people. Alerted by the arguing and shouting, they had begun to pour into the room as I pathetically attempted to explain myself.

"If you want to know the truth," I reiterated, "I don't know what to tell you. I'm not sure what the truth is, myself." My statement was met with noises of displeasure.

"How can you not know where you came from and why you are here?!" someone interjected. I thought it was Lord Raoul, but I couldn't be sure.

"Well it's a very long story…"

"We have time!" This was one of the guards.

"…And it's one I don't really want to attempt to tell… But I guess I have no choice." I settled in to begin my tale. Surprisingly, even Duke Baird stopped his disapproving mutters about disturbing his patients long enough to hear me out.

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"Wow!" One of the guards said.

"Don't tell me you believe her!?" A second one said.

"She's very persuasive." Back to the first guard again.

"Persuasive?" Guard Number Two repeated skeptically.

"Well, yea! Besides, who would make up such a strange and intricate lie that no one would believe anyway?"

"You would, for starters. And besides, you just said you didn't believe it!"

"No, that's not quite what I said… You see, I was really saying that most people, such as yourself, would not—"

"I say she's a spy!" The second guard interrupted.

Oblivious to the guards' chatter, Alanna, Gareth, Myles, and Raoul sat, lost in thought. It was approximately twenty minutes later and I had just completed the telling of my tale.

_Now what? _I thought to myself. _Do they believe me? Or are they going to lock me up? Or punish me, or—_

My thoughts were interrupted by Alanna's clear voice. "Excuse us a moment. We require a short conference." She and the other knights rose as one and retreat outside the massive wooden doors.

I could not hear what they were saying; I only heard low murmurs as they wafted through the oak doors. Then, the murmurs suddenly stopped and Alanna appeared in the doorway again, the other knights in tow. The guards were still debating my persuasiveness.

"We have decided to allow you to stay." Alanna informed me.

"Well, that's good, I guess." I replied. "But do you know what has happened to me? Will you help me return home?"

Alanna's brow furrowed "Now you listen here, young lady!" she began haughtily, "You just appear here out of nowhere, with naught but a weak explanation as to how you got here, and you expect us to help you?! For all we know, you _could _be a spy!"

"Well, excuse me!" I shot back, "But I just got transported across the space-time continuum, I have no idea how to get back, and I miss my family!"

"I don't care! I have my people to protect—"

"Alanna…" Myles interrupted. "She just a young lass. Undoubtedly she's terrified."

"But I'm only saying what needs to be said! Besides, she's not scared; she's insolent!"

"And, I remember when you were a impudent young lady yourself." Myles reminded her quietly, "Cut her some slack!"

Alanna stood glaring at him for a long time. Then, slowly, her frown faded and she began to laugh.

"You're right," she conceded, "I let my temper get the better of me. I'm sorry."

_Wow…_I thought. _The books weren't lying when they said Alanna had a _very _quick temper!_

Alanna turned to me. "You stay here and rest some more. I will return this evening. Until then, we have our business to attend to." She pointed at the guards. "You two will remain here to protect the young lady." Although she avoided saying it aloud, it was obvious she meant them to guard me in more ways than one. "Now, if you will excuse us—" Alanna began to turn towards the door.

"Wait!" I knew I risked setting off her infamous temper again, but I had to know. "Will you help me?"

Alanna turned slowly to stare at me. "Providing you give us no reason to distrust you…" She trailed off. For a long time, no one said a word. Then Alanna said, "Yes. We will help you." There was a softness in her eyes. Then, she turned and left, followed by the crowd of other knights.

--

_Outside the door, Alanna stopped, motioning to Sir Myles._

"_That girl seems familiar… Does she remind you of someone?" she asked her foster father. He stared at her for a moment before beginning to laugh._

_Shaking his head, he returned to his rooms, leaving behind a very confused Alanna._

_--  
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**Author's Note:** So... it's longer! :D What do you think? Is it up to standards? I hope so... I don't want any mad reviewers attacking me! --shields face-- HELP! Lol... well, please review!

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**Reviews:**

Star Wars Forever- Thank you for reviewing again; it's always nice to know readers are coming back. I'm sorry the chapter seemed a bit rushed to you. I noticed it myself a bit, but I couldn't find a way to improve it. I don't know why it came out like it did, though... I guess I'm just excited to get to the good stuff! Hehe! Thanks again.

4-eyedDragon- Thank you, and never fear! I will have more coming soon! And hopefully it will come faster this update… now that I am somewhat settled into a school routine…

Fork and Straw- Thank you very much! I would love to know what happens next too, because, as of right now, I have no idea! :D I'll try to update soon though.

Lady Leopard- Thank you, and you bring up a valid point. It is set after Keladry of Mindelin is knighted (after the Protector of the Small series). However, I never did make this clear to readers. I will add this fact to the story's summary and to the author's note. Thank you for your approval and for bringing this to my attention!


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